Negative By Definition

This is going to be my last blog post of the school year, so I thought it would be appropriate to focus this time not on “what my goals are” or “how I will achieve them”, but rather on what I will do now that I have everything I’ve been reaching for, and trying to find out what metaphorical “shining green light” that I worked for and now posses even is. Basically I don’t want to screw up the me that I have finally achieved, but at the same time I want to know who I am now.

Throughout this school year, I have gone through a tiresome and often painful process of leaving my old self behind, imagining what I want to become, and ultimately, becoming that visualization. I have become someone completely different (and better) than I was at the start of the school year, and with the “new life” I have been struggling to find a new definition for what I’ve become.

In general I have a tendency to be a very prideful person. it is really easy for me to look at some of the things that happen in this world and decided immediately how against them I am. I assume I know they are wrong and so I claim that.

I have found myself defending my identity by saying things like “but I’m not that kind of person” or “I’m a lot more open-minded than most people you see”.

As a young guy, making radical decisions in my pursuit to know my true self, I find myself, a lot of times, defining myself by what I’m against. I mold my identity around the things I am not.

I’m NOT a meth addict, I’m NOT a westboro baptist, I’m NOT a drama filled teenage girl, I’m NOT a spoiled kid with my life handed to me.

There are a few reasons why this viewpoint is skewed. I’m sure you find yourself doing it to, even to the smallest degree, and I want to shed some light on it.

First when we say things like “I’m not like them” a lot of times we are sinking to their level. When comparing to other humans beings and putting ourselves above them we negate the fact that all people are of equal value. We are reminded that we all have messed up and fall short of what we would ideally be. Therefore comparing ourselves to eachother is like comparing broken to other broken.

Second, by defining ourselves by what we are against we just look negative. We aren’t for anything necessarily, we are just against a lot of things that point towards what we might be for. Now I think inside of us, we are for things but if outwardly we define ourselves, in words and actions, on what we are against, then it comes out very skewed. Especially if what we are for is becoming the best person we can possibly be, we should not be bad mouthing other people in order to define ourselves as “better beings” as if there were such a thing.

I encourage everyone to think about how you define yourself. Are you in a certain crowd at school just to prove you are NOT like those people over there? Do you describe yourself as someone against things instead of for things? Are you defining yourself as the outcome of a bunch of things you’re against?

I plan on using the summer to figure out what I’ve become more, and hopefully in a little while, I’ll know.

The Fear of honesty

The society we live in today is full of persona’s, rules (written and unwritten), social faux pas, boundaries, and judgment based on these things.

I feel like these things prohibit us so much from being the people we were intended to be.

These rules and customs we have set up for the way we interact with people, in my opinion, have caused a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, and problems.

I am writing specifically about the rules we set in our social interactions. The rules about when we can say what to our friends or significant others.

These rules are interesting to me because in the last few months if I have learned one thing, it’s that every human relationship is different. There is no relationship on this planet or in history that is the same as any other relationship. No matter how similar they look, they are completely different.

To me it seems ridiculous to set rules for relationships in general, when everyone is different.

I have been experimenting lately with something with a few people that I call 100% honesty. It’s been really interesting. With the few people that I am close to (including girls), I tell the complete truth about what’s going on in my head.

I share my insecurities right when I feel them, instead of keeping them inside till they make me explode.

It’s a freeing experience and I find that I am more myself, things don’t weigh on my heart like they used to, and I’m able to truly love my friends and live more like I was meant too.

Although this doing away with social acceptance behavior is only with a few friends who understand what I’m doing, it’s been an awesome experience. I don’t think it’s for everyone but in the right context I have found it to work so much better.

I think our generation, as much as we say we are unique and want to be completely ourselves, is afraid of honesty. We are consumed with what people think of us. Far too many times I’ve talked to high school kids who say things like “well if my friends knew that I’m like this, I might lose them.” This completely baffles me because in that case, THEY AREN’T YOUR FRIENDS!

As harsh as that is, it’s the truth.

I encourage you to be yourself around the people your closest to. I’m sure it will be different and people may think you have changed. Be sure to explain what your doing. have the right intentions and pray about it. But give it a try.

30
April

I’m In your Head… Join Me!

Do you ever wonder if there are people inside your head? Have you ever been close enough with someone that they can finish your sentences? Or you share such similar ideas, beliefs, and fantasies with an acquaintance that it almost feels like you’re in their head? Or have you ever met a stranger that seems to think exactly like you?

I’ve been thinking about this and have come to the conclusion that there is a new generation rising up. Our generation (products of the late 80’s and early-mid 90’s) is rising up to be leaders. We are growing up and something is moving in us. We are coming up with breakthrough ideas, we are super creative, and we are breaking rusty social bonds that have hurt people for a long, long time. I’ve been realizing this and even as I sit here at this desk I get excited and smile!

I have also noticed that I’m not the only one writing this stuff down. It seems like on a daily basis I see or hear someone telling me that what I just said was exactly what they were thinking, so obviously, I’m not the only one writing it down. I’m no one special. I’m just a guy who goes to high school like anyone else, laughs to much to learn during that school like anyone else, and tries to enjoy every minute of it, like everyone else.

I want this to be an encouragement to you. If you’re feeling something on your heart, do something about it. Don’t just sit there and wait for someone else to write it down or do it. Now this doesn’t mean everyone should go out and seek to start the next movement or solve the world-hate epidemic. All I’m saying is that you need to do something. Our generation will be known for our ideas, but my hope is that we are famous for the action behind those ideas. I hope that the things on our hearts today would be the future of our world tomorrow.

I know this all sounds dreamy and big and more like just one of those ideas but I’m serious. DO SOMETHING. When you have an idea (preferably harmless), do it. Write a book, form a protest, start a club, write a song, start a band, write a blog or go to school. But stop waiting. Your ideas won’t ever go anywhere without action. Our plan for our world won’t happen unless WE start doing something.

14
April

Once In A Lifetime

This past week I got to have what I sincerely hope is not a once in a lifetime experience.

I’ve sat on the floor in a hall filled with people, waiting to see The Hunger Games. I’ve traversed around downtown and climbed on concrete. I’ve tried to come up with ideas for an English video project. I’ve made fun of my friend for playing his drum every other minute of the day. I’ve ran around the church parking lot and had ridiculous conversations.

As I traveled back in my mind, amidst the chaos of this week I paused. I looked around at the people with me and realized that the six most important people, that had to become a part of my life, in my entire life were there with me.

Everyone was smiling and getting along and it really hit me. The six people in my mind weren’t my family, or the people I’d known the longest. These were the relationships that had required effort from both people involved. The ones that had the most invested in them. These are the people that I had shared the most friend ship kind of love with. People from different social circles, people that meant such different things to me, were all there.

It was such a simple thing but it was an experience I’m not sure I will ever forget.

Most of the time there was no special occasion and no big party for me, for the most part the week really didn’t have anything to do with me, but there I was in the presence of the most voluntarily important people in my life and all I could do was say thank you.

All I can do is say thank you.

Just Stare

They always looked so lonely to me, and I never understood how people could be so cruel as to keep them in such a small bowl, floating in one place for, well… for the rest of their lives. Siamese fighting fish, or betta fish, live solitary lives not because it is cruel as I had thought growing up, but because in most situations they will attack or kill any other betta fish they are near, as they are very territorial.

A while ago I visited a friend, and he had one such amazing fish. It had a beautiful long tail, multi colored in purple and blues. We began to talk about it and he was telling me random facts and behaviors of this ‘lonely’ fish and mentioned its aversion to mirrors. I had never heard about this and so my friend showed me. The ‘trick’ is to hold a mirror up to the tank of the Siamese fighting fish and it will puff up to more than twice its size because it thinks that in the mirror is another betta fish and must now defend its territory. It worked, the fish grew exponentially and it was fascinating to see. We tried it a few more times but I soon felt cruel myself because even after the mirror was gone the fish would swim in circles looking for its attacker.

Mirror. The enemy was a mirror.

I am a betta fish. I would assume if were honest with ourselves that most of us are. It is so easy to see others flaws, we can judge at ease, and mocking silently is a sad habit for most of us. We can see easily the problems and map out the obvious solutions in others but when it comes to us, we maintain that ‘though we are not perfect, others are worse’. And then comes the mirror.

Not to many of us have true mirrors in our lives, they are a very few HONEST select friends, loved ones, or lovers that show us exactly who we are or what we are doing. They inform us that we are failing, that we have a personality flaw, or we are not living up to our potential. And what do we do? We blow up, we circle, and then look to attack. Most of us cannot handle the truth when we come face to face with the honesty in the mirror. I know I can’t, I want to believe that I have it sorted, that I have come to a place in my life where I am ‘good’ or have most things figured out. But I don’t and it was idiotic to think that I have anything figured out.

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”

- William Shakespeare

For those who are blessed (like me) to have a mirror, make sure the next time they are honest with you that your first reaction is NOT to blow up or attack, because from observation that seems to lead to a very enclosed and lonely life. We can all change, we can all reach far beyond what we ever thought possible in our own lives but it is going to take working through those areas in life that are lacking.

‘The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.’

- Proverbs 12:15

There is someone reading this who thinks they have it figured out or is pretending that they can’t relate to this post… and for those people I have a challenge. Find your mirror, and ask. That’s it. Just ask. Ask them what areas they feel you can change, or from the outside what do they see in your life is holding you down. Most of us don’t want to hear the answer… I know I don’t. But we have too if we hope to keep from an isolation and stagnation. Don’t fight your mirror, just stare.

‘We have found the enemy, and he is us.’

- Pogo

25
February

A Day Late Post

Words are one of my most intense passions. The meanings we as humans give to the sounds we make has always fascinated me, and I am amazed at how much power words have.

Another thing about me is that I have a deeply-rooted belief that there is someone out there in this world that I will love and be loved by, with a passion and endlessness that I will never feel or give to anyone else. This person is often referred to by others as a “soulmate” or “The One” or the like.

This isn’t going to be a post on soulmates, or a naive gushing of cuteness that I will give to the “future wife.”

This is a post about hope, love, and the future.

—

Not to long ago I was having a conversation with a girl, and I said that she was lovely. I don’t know why I said it, at the time I didn’t really have a reason to say it, or not to say it. I just did. I had never felt such an overstep of word usage, and after I reflected on the word “lovely” I realized just how sacred it is to me.

Now, I may throw it around here or there when I talk about how “that piece of pizza was lovely!” or something, but I’m trying to stop. Not because pizza isn’t delicious, but because the word “lovely” has a power to me that is personal.

I know now that the only person I ever want to describe as lovely is the aforementioned person who will receive every piece and part of my heart until the day we both die. I even often refer to her as being named Lovely until I actually meet her.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get offended or weirded out when other people use that word. I’ve actually been described as such, and it means a lot to me. To hear that someone thinks I am a lovely person is such a wonderful feeling, and I wouldn’t trade it or stop it for the world.

I just know that for me, that word holds my heart, and I only want to give it to one person.

In closing, this wasn’t supposed to be a “LOOK AT THE CUTENESS I’M SAVING FOR ‘THE ONE’ OMG <3” but rather, “this is what I am saving for the person I hope exists. This is the hope and love that I hold onto, what gets me through the day and hoping for the future.”

I don’t want to sound as though my very happiness in life relies on this person; that is simply not true. I will live a fulfilling and satisfying life to the fullest, regardless of whether or not I meet this person. When I die, I want people to say that I lived a life of love, and brought more love into the world than was there before I was born. But what I am saying is that no matter what happens, no matter how many girls I fancy, no matter how many hands I hold, I am saving certain words and feelings for this person, if she happens to exist.

I believe she does. And she is lovely.

15
February

This is hopefully somewhat how my next art project will turn out.

(via awesomefresh)

BOW DOWN

Why I’m Right

Batman. He’s always been my favorite, although Captain America comes pretty close. However, I also say that Batman is the best. A lot of people would disagree with that, they’d say

“Batman is really cool, and he has a good concept and everything, but uh… he doesn’t have any super powers, so uhh… he can’t be the best.”

- Derp and Derpina

Okay I sort of get that logic I guess. But if mere superpower is what makes someone the best, then I think everyone would agree that Superman is the best. But how many times has Batman fought superman and won? A lot, that’s how many. I mean, for goodness sake, he has several kryptonite rings that he keeps in his utility belt at all times. A couple decent punches (which has been proven time and again that Batman can inflict) with one of those on, and The Man Of Steel is out for the count. And if that does blow the “superpowers beat all” theory then get ready for this;

In The Justice League of America series there is a storyline entitled “Tower of Babel”. It is a four part story taking place in JLA #43-46. In These comics, it is revealed that Batman has contingency plans dealing with every superhero in the entire DC universe in case any of them ever went rogue. Every. Single. One. Anyways, in Tower of Babel Ra’s al Ghul steals these plans from Batman. And guess what happens…

The entire Justice League of America is taken out, and Batman has to save them all. Oh, and while he’s doing that he has to stop his parents bodies from being bewitched. While he has to save the world. Single-handedly.

So even though it wasn’t Batman directly taking out the entire Justice League (can I emphasize that enough?) it was his plans, thus he indirectly took them all out. If that doesn’t convince you that in a fight to the death between all the heros, Batman would win, then you are not thinking right. Or you’re just really devoted to your hero.

Oh wait, if your hero isn’t Batman yet then those two are the same thing.

On A Person That Is At Best Misunderstood…

Rebecca Black. You were born and raised as a rich-kid. Your mom wanted to let you make a music video for your thirteenth birthday and then, what happened?

Now, let me just say here that I don’t personally think Friday was any good at all and the My Moment was a great improvement, but still not quite past the ever-thinning line between noise and music.

So Rebecca, you make this song, and out of all the awful crap and videos on the internet, yours was the chosen one. I don’t know why. I don’t think anybody really does, but that’s just the way you ended up. And suddenly you have millions of people saying they hate you or even that they want you to die. For goodness sake, you even got booed out of school by your previously supposed friends. But Why? I guarantee you, I could find thousands of music videos on youtube that are ten times worse than friday will ever be, so why did everyone hate her?

I’ll tell you why, people are scared to death of you. Almost overnight, you got 15 million views. That’s more than many of the top selling pop-music videos, combined. I at at my computer and watched the onslaught against you unfold. The comments started off with the normal internet trollers that everyone hates, but the views kept going up. Then that’s when the celebrities got involved. After that, there really was nothing you could do, the pop culture had sank it’s teeth into you and wasn’t about to let go.

But here’s the irony: Pop artists said that she was terrible, overly auto-tuned, inexperienced, and a disgrace. But can anyone name me off the names of ten, no not even that, five beginning (or veteran for that matter) pop-artists that don’t fit all those qualities just as well as she did? I didn’t think so.

Another group of people that attacked her were the older, more weathered musicians. The best of the best. They said that her lyrics were shallow and meaningless. Okay, I can agree to that, but are these artists anyone to talk? If I were to take a poll of one thousand people and ask them who the most famous musicians ever were, I would bet that most of the answers would be The Beetles. And lets compare excerpts from each for a moment:

Rebecca Black - Friday

7am waking up in the morning

Gotta be fresh gotta go downstairs

Gotta have my bowl gotta have my cereal

Seein’ everything the time is goin’

Ticking on and on everybody’s rushin’

Gotta get down to the bustop

Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends

The Beetles - A Day In The Life

Woke up, got out of bed

Dragged a comb across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup

Lookin’ up I noticed I was late

Found my coat and grabbed my hat

Made the bus in seconds flat

Looks pretty similar to me. And remember that I’m not talking about music quality over all right now, just the lyrical quality. Some people will probably say that this is an unfair analysis because I choose one song out of all of The Beetles songs. But Rebecca only has two songs, so was I supposed to compare all of The Beetles songs againstFriday?

Not understanding or liking her music is one thing, but totally disrespecting her is just way out of line. How many of you in the face of massive criticism, hatred, shock would have the guts to stand up for your dream and say “Forget you all. I wanna be a artists, and that’s what I’ll make myself”? Very few of you would, I can tell you that. YOu’d just let your dreams get crushed.

So I say, cheers to you Rebecca Black

06
January